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My daughters used to tell themselves stories that went on for hours, and sometimes days. They developed characters through dialogue and described scenes in painstaking detail. I often tuned them out before I could discern any plot. Observing these rituals reminded me that games are not just for fun: they teach us how to create a world we want to live in, with others.

When I was six years old my mom and her new husband built a passive solar adobe house on a nearly vacant mesa above the Rio Grande Valley. The locals down in the village played only with each other. Kids tend to self-segregate.

For example, Maria and Anita were cousins who wore their hair in long braids over shawls crocheted by their grandmothers. Then there were Lynnette and Dolores, who feathered their frosted hair and wore tight jeans. They often threatened to beat me up. For spiritual instruction my mom get her naked game me the record album Free to Be You and Me. Marlo Thomas and Friends taught me that we learn how to be boys and girls, so we can learn how to be anything.

Also Transactional Analysis for Tots, an illustrated guide of s pop psychology, written by Dr. I spent many Sundays playing by myself outside, where I noticed that the tumbleweeds grew only in the churned-up sand next to the new ro and houses. Just beyond the neon-tipped wooden stakes that marked our property, grew giant chamisa yellow rabbit brushsagebrush, and white flowers that smelled just like SweetTarts.

It was there I found a dark sandy lichen that would hold a footprint for months, blue-tailed lizards, and horny to. But before long, the bulldozers scraped off the topsoil for more cement slab foundations and two-car garages. These brought new kids, and I befriended a few.

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These were the girls who would want to make up musicals and radio stations, draw restaurant menus, and perform for the grown-ups after dinner. The first was that you never spoke about the Naked Game, the second was that you never really initiated it—it just sort of happened. And finally, you never actually touched each other, though the thrill of playing it made our hearts pound and our skin tingle. Other newcomers had parents who came from Texas or Oklahoma and listened to country music. These kinds of girls liked to play board games and dress up, watch TV re-runs and cartoons, and re-enact them.

In fifth grade I met Betsy Watson, who had just moved from Houston with her family. She had a hearty laugh and a sturdy frame. I liked going to her house because her mother was always pulling something sweet out of the oven. Now I wonder if she was allowed. It turned out to not be a camp, but a sleep-over at a fancy house in the Northeast Heights of Albuquerque.

A young couple and their yappy dogs greeted us at the door. They introduced us to the other campers: two other girls and three boys. Each had a different shade of blonde hair, something I had seen only on TV, or when I visited my dad in Minnesota. At supper, I bowed my head with the other kids while the man said grace before plates of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

After supper, we sat on the shag carpet in his den. I thought about the plants that grew behind the pea trellis in our backyard. Once they grew taller than the trellis I stopped inviting kids over until my parents could harvest and hang them to cure in their bedroom closet. On one we wrote our names and so the boys could select their favorite. The name of cutest girl got all the check marks.

I felt jealous: not of her, but of the boys, who got to choose. On Saturday we met up at a park with hundreds of kids who had slept at other houses the night before. We played kickball and grilled hot dogs. On Sunday we gathered at the Baptist church.

I marveled how all the kids knew the words to songs I had never heard before. I mouthed along, stood up when the others stood, and sat when they sat. Then the minister invited us to come up to the stage and share what we learned that weekend. It was the first time I had ever spoken into a microphone.

I heard my voice explain that a boy in our group hurt his ankle while playing kickball and we prayed around his leg. No duh, they seemed to say: you prayed. I sat beside them while she ed the other kids who would be baptized. We looked up to a balcony where the minister stood. He summoned each child, one by one, to approach the basin of water. Each wore a white cloak, like an angel costume without the halo. The minister asked her if she accepted Jesus into her heart as her personal savior.

When the water flattened and get her naked game it, he declared her saved and sent her offstage. Then, as if on a conveyor belt, another child appeared. I think she did, too. They dropped me off at home, and when I let myself in, I smelled the familiar mix of pot roast and pot smoke.

From the couch my step-dad watched Sixty Minutes and from her chair under the lamp, my mom read a book. The brick floors, curved walls, and pot belly stove looked so rustic and strange. She rubbed my back. I could hear her callouses scrape the fabric of my shirt. She must have spent the weekend digging post-holes for the horse pasture. Everyone is. I felt a pang of despair. I knew there was get her naked game I could say to persuade them. We were doomed. I went a few times but I never got baptized. Right around that time, a little past my eleventh birthday, Betsy and I were playing in her pastel bedroom when I suggested the Naked Game.

Maybe I just felt a pang of desire. It had been a long time since I last played, but Betsy was nothing like the girls I used to play with. There were no babies in the Naked Game. Betsy hesitated. I took off my shirt first. Then she took off hers. She was wearing a training bra to cover her puffy nipples. My chest was still flat. We took off our pants.

We did not remove our underwear. In mine I did not feel the tiny pounding heartbeat that I had felt before, with the other girls. Betsy told me to play the husband. I led her to her white trundle bed, dipped her wavy hair down get her naked game the pillow and laid down on top of her. I felt her body stiffen beneath me. Her eyes met mine. In them I saw terror. I was making Betsy sin. I leapt up, found my shirt and shorts, and watched her put on hers. She ed her mother in the kitchen and I went home. Betsy and I never played together again.

I never went back to her church. Worse, she told other kids what I did, and in a few weeks no one would sit next to me on the bus. Over the green vinyl seats I would hear my name, then whispering. Until that moment, I had never considered that I could be a lesbian. Getting naked with other girls was just something I used to do. Soon after, puberty took hold.

I started worrying about how I looked, and I liked being noticed by boys. I realized that it was easier to be The Pursued than The Pursuer, though the risks were actually greater. I played coy, hard-to-get, then girlfriend, ex-girlfriend. Eventually I became a wife, and then a mother. When my eldest daughter was in fifth grade I heard her casually mention a girl in her class who liked other girls. I asked her if kids gave her a hard time. She asked for my password to download a new skin.

Then she showed me the angular modern house they built together, complete with waterfalls, fireplaces, and bottomless air shafts. As my eyes followed her cursor I felt dizzy. My own childhood games and worries seemed a million years old—obsolete. Praise Jaysus for that. Airia Gneiss's work has also appeared in Indicia. She uses a pen-name to respect the privacy of her family, and to keep her own ego in check.

You can write her back at airiagneiss [ ] gmail[dot]com.

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